A Little Bit, Sometimes.

Recently, Joe described one of his friends as 'the kind of person when they say they're going to do something, you know they'll really do it.' I think that is one of the coolest descriptions. My roommate Jana is like that. Pork is like that. I want to be more like that.

I've been more pumped than usual about being here lately. It is completely feeling like home. We have a family here, and it feels weird if I don't see them every day. I love that we just pop up at each others house to enjoy each others company and we don't just talk, we have real conversations, and we laugh and bond in a different way than I've ever experienced. You get to know each other on such a real level and learn and grow together. I've been thinking new thoughts and ideas on the daily, I've been inspired in a way like never before. It is a crazy thing to see yourself, and your life.. the good and the bad. I have always known there is so much opportunity to do great things in Berlin, and now I'm starting to feel the confidence that I am going to dive in and make them happen. I know I will. I'm so lucky to have this life and the people here around me. No matter what is going on at home that may bring me down, it is such a comforting feeling to know I have this city to get away from it all. I don't think it's a bad thing to immerse myself so much here that I can push what's happening elsewhere out of my head. I'm just being happy, that's ultimately what we all want. I can't change the past and what's happened, happened, but I can learn from all of this and now look at my life in retrospect and what an amazing one it has been so far. Maybe I needed something 'bad' to happen in order for me to realize all the good that's happened as well. I can't be mad anymore, it takes too much energy and emotion. I am exceptionally excited to come home in 2 weeks to visit, and maybe a little nervous. I think I'm going to realize how much I'm changing here in entirety once I'm back in my comfort zone. Plus, reality is going to set in. I'm scared for that. The life I'm used to having is not waiting for me, how is that going to be? I love my mom so much, I hate that she's by herself now. I worry about her every single day, but I can't let his selfish decisions alter my life. He's not going to be there on Christmas. But that's okay, my mom will. Jasper will. Brandon will. (yeah!) Sometimes I think the most played out sayings are the best, and for sure everything happens for a reason, and I'm starting to see the good that will come from all of this. And I'm here, in Berlin, and I'm happy. That's all I can ask for now.